The Fear of Failure

The fear of failure has consumed my life since I was first able to read and write. It has inched it's way slowly into my routine, growing larger with each test and deadline that passes. As I age, I can feel fear grasping onto my thoughts harder and harder, inching it's nails into the perfect perception of my life.

Why?

Why am I so scared to fail? Fail what? I guess we could be discussing about school and grades and tests and deadlines etc, but in a broader sense: I'm talking about in life.

I'm scared to fail in life.

I'm scared to let down my parents.

I'm scared to look stupid.

I'm scared to be mediocre in a mediocre world.

I'm scared to BE a failure.

Fear pushes me to study, drives me to success, and ensures me my "perfect" life.

I had just finished up my midterms last week, and that's when I realized where my drive was coming from. Fear. The fear of failure.

I thought, is this a good reason to be pushing myself? Because I'm scared to fall within a category that doesn't exactly fall within my life's guidelines?

It all connects back to my perfect outlined life. I've made duties and guidelines for myself, and if I fail, that would be the end of me.

And that's where I noticed something wrong.

The end of me.

As if someone is taking my life away.

Just because I don't pass a class or pass a certification, that doesn't mean it's the end of me. My being. My worth.

A failed class is exactly that, not a failed me. I am more than a class, a certification, and an education. I am priceless because I contain the value and opportunity of life.

When I realized this, I began thinking about the many people who feel the exact same way I do about failure. I wanted to share this moment to enlighten those who view failure the way I do.

Failure does not define who you are. You are not your failures, and I believe many get confused with associating themselves with the mistakes they've made. Humans will be humans and that means we will make mistakes, however never let these mistakes overcome you.

You are more than your education, your career, your religion, and your path of life.

You have the most prized possession within you; and that's the ability to live your life how you wish.

I believe we all spend too much time dwelling on our failures that we forget to appreciate the position of life that describes where we are currently.

For instance, me: I am in college. I should be so thankful to even be here and have the chance to extend my education luckily at no cost. However, I spend most of my time fearing the "what if's" that I don't give myself credit for even reaching it this far.

Be proud of what you've accomplished.

Show yourself gratitude for the things you've done, and appreciate life for what it simply is.

As millennials, we hear enough about being the perfect student. We hear enough about "finishing in four." We hear enough about "getting out there and finding a high paying job." However, we never hear anything about showing appreciation and gratitude for simply making it this far.

You are doing amazing at life, whether you believe so or not. Society can play such a huge role with how we perceive ourselves, and I think it's time to stop believing you are not enough, and start appreciating the accomplishments you've already made so far.

You can let fear drive you to success, however never let it overcome you. Never let fear be the sole purpose of you accomplishing things.

Be who you want to be, and live your life how you dream to live. We have the power to achieve so many things, let those things be for good reason.

I hope you guys found some use in my story, and I hope I enlightened you to be more aware of your accomplishments.

You are enough, and I love each and every one of you. Thank you for reading.

Stay loving and kind my friends,

XOXO

Hannah