My Younger Self, A Note To You
On February 19th, 2018 I turn 20 years old. Twenty.
A new decade.
No more teenage years.
I don't know whether to celebrate a new age or contemplate on the last ten years of my life.
Life has changed so much within the past decade, down to even the smallest detail. A new home, new friends, new school, new interests, the list could honestly fill a room. There were definitely regrets, lessons learned, and moments that i wish i could erase.
times where life was a mass blur.
a pain.
a heartbreak.
That's why below, I've listed six things I would have loved to tell myself before having to experience some of the worst points in my life.
Don't get me wrong, life is so beautiful and complex, and I'm so thankful to finally realize and live life to it's fullest content. I don't know where I'd be if paths would have changed. However, if only it would've happened sooner... right? Where would I be if I had the wisdom I do now? What would life be like? If only back then I had the knowledge that I do now, I'd be one hell of a powerful woman. (cliche, but seriously.)
1. Popularity Doesn't Matter.
Curling or straightening my hair every day just to fit in is basically an insight into my middle school era. I had to be covered in name brand clothing from head to toe, I had to blur every blemish on my face with makeup, and i had to have everything that the "popular cool girls" bragged about having. Pathetic, right?
"Good" looks, name brands, school social status, and perfection were all fictionalized by whoever wanted to make themselves superior. How does one know what's popular anyway?
As a child, I honestly thought there was a certain "standard" I had to meet as a girl. The hair, the makeup, the classiness, the whole nine yards.
If I could talk to the younger version of me, I would tell myself to stop being so consumed with that ideal image of the perfect 6th grader. Life is so much more than the social status, and the fact that I stressed about this for 12 years makes me wish I should have spent that time focusing on my being.
2. Boys Are Stupid, You Can Do Things Yourself.
It was in the 6th grade when I connected with a boy, and ever since then, I've become this dependent version of myself. In grade school, I thought having a boyfriend was the icing on top of my social status cake. I rarely hung with friends, and I was consumed with this image of finding the perfect man for me. Oh, boy how naive was I.
If I could go back, I'd tell myself that boys are trying to find themselves just as I am, and I should find myself first before ever getting consumed in a relationship. Unfortunately after many heartbreaks and nights crying over people who are well in my past now, I now know to save my time on MEN who appreciate and love deeply.
For women who were (or are) in the same circumstance as I was, love is such a sacred thing. Save it for someone who truly appreciates you, your hobbies, and accepts you for who YOU are. Never let any man change you, for you are just as beautiful being yourself.
3. Be Patient, for Patience is Truly A Virtue.
Man oh man, if only I knew the meaning of patience in grade school. Whether it was rushing to pick my first car, complaining about moving into my grandma's, or being impatient with the speed of life in general... I was dying to become older. Now that I am, I've realized how these past 10 years nearly slipped by me. I now realize I'd rather time slow down than speed up. Isn't that what our parents have been telling us for years?
To my younger self, please be patient. The time will come for a new car, a new place, and a new atmosphere. Just be in the moment now, and appreciate everything you have. Life is only temporary, so make it the best damn years of your life. Love deeper, listen heavily, and learn abroad. The time will come for everything that you're wishing for.
4. Don't Become So Angry At Others.
For years, I was always the one to hold onto grudges. If someone did me wrong, I would make a vow to never communicate with them again: no matter the circumstance. Even if it was something small, if my feelings were hurt, it was like the world was ending for me. Apart of me was the most sensitive person you'd ever meet, getting hurt over silly words.
To my younger self, instead of holding onto a grudge, spread your positivity and happiness with them. They might've hurt you, but being cruel back will solve nothing. If you show them positivity, maybe it'll make them become more positive. Words can have a trickling effect, and showing others the power of happiness can be such a useful tool.
5. Hold On To Your Dearest Friends.
I can't count how many friends I've slowly lost contact with over the past 10 years. While some were destined to happen, other friendships were lost due to simple miscommunication. Having people who appreciate your presence in their life is a true gift. Your dearest friends shape you into the person that you are today, and if only I had realized how important some of my friends were to me, I'd have plenty more in my life.
Note to younger me, don't let these friendships slip through the cracks, because you'll appreciate having them later down the road. Always keep in contact with each other, even if it's just one text a month. Be concerned with their wellbeing as much as yours, as people need guidance just as much as you.
Also, don't let someone become a friend if their intentions aren't wholesome. Many friendships will end because some people would rather gain something for themselves than to appreciate a meaningful friendship. Hold on to your wits, and your dearest friends.
6. This is Only Temporary.
Living through the worst moments of my life, I honestly thought some would never end. I would get wrapped up in my sorrows, and become such a sad version of myself. Life meant nothing at some points, and sometimes it was unbearable. Living from house to house, people entering and exiting out of my life in less than a month, it was all too much for a teenager like me.
A note to teenage Hannah, all of this is temporary. The pain, the heartbreak, the houses. Only time can heal all, and if you just stick it out for a couple more years, you will be the happiest you've ever known. It must get worse before it can ever get better, so hold your head high and take on what life is throwing at you. Look at your surroundings, appreciate the trees and the birds. Appreciate the beauty of living, and your problems will slowly become smaller. Be the best version of yourself you can be, striving for all of your goals that you wish. You are a walking goddess, never forget that.
Life can be such a wild ride, and if it wasn't for my life lessons, I wouldn't be able to write this today and share my story. Enjoy nature, enjoy your friends, enjoy yourself. Whether you are 10 years old or 20, appreciate life in it's rawness and liveliness. Sadness will slowly turn into happiness, and only growth will take from there.
I hope some related to my story, and I hope you guys learned something. My story is my platform, and I wouldn't be where I am today without this. Appreciate your story, your growth, and your mistakes. You all are so beautiful in such different ways, and I'm so thankful for the love you guys have shown me and my blog. I am me because of you, so thank you for reading my story and I hope it met all of your expectations.
I love each and every one of you, and I hope you strive to achieve everything you've ever wanted.
Here's to 20 more years, building with even more wisdom and happiness.
Stay Loving and Kind, My Friends.
XOXO,
Hannah